Weather, Earth, Shoelaces

4/20/2019

Today is Saturday, April 20th—and it is cold outside! what happened to Spring? Ah, well, I know exactly what I’m going to do about it: nothing. “Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.” —Mark Twain, again. Pretty sure he was the first American author to use that phrase, though it’s been true since always. So, let’s move on. 

Earth Day. There’s an earth day? Yes, why not? we have a day for bologna, a day for this, a day for that—secretaries get a whole week! Basketball gets a whole month! (March Madness, which runs into April.) Football, on the other hand gets 365 days per year in the press. Some think that’s important, as if it were the best sport. OooooKayyy. Better not get further into this, cause then I’d have to prove my point as to why Basketball is the best sport (not a good thing to try and prove when you live in Alabama.) But, Earth Day is Monday. 

I’m sure all of you are planning huge Earth day festivities; gonna plant a tree, go to a parade—-say, since we know what certain other paraders dressed up as for their special parade (we’ll try not to describe it) I wonder what the earth day costume expressions will be: dirt, grass, roots, flowers, trees, or become a mountain for the day?!? What about becoming a mountain gap? 

Seriously, there is nothing wrong with having an earth day. It is a good reminder of our fundamental stewardship requirements to live here. To me, it starts with trash which is not handled properly. Strewn along the road is not proper. dropping things on the streets and sidewalks and not picking up after yourself is the most selfish thing people do in public. I know accidents occur and sometimes these things are truly unseen. But, come on, we can clean up after ourselves and our children and pets if we put it into our minds to do so. And, there is an added bonus to cleaning our own messes: no one can snitch on us to the city, county, state, and bring the giant fines down on us! (I’m really opposed to snitch ordinances, which cause fines and reward the snitch.) We should not have to live in a snitch environment. So clean it up, folks!

One more thing to rant about: I hate shoestrings! I’m so tired of living with shoes which are still dependent on a 230 year old invention to keep our shoes in place. Oh, yes, I know there’s new technology, if you want to pay over $200 for tennies! But, we need a good alternative for everyday and dress shoes that the public can afford. A common shoe restraint which does not require what shoelaces require. Why doesn’t someone invent something? Do you know that the same man (Harvey Kennedy) who invented shoelaces, also invented the aglet? Sounds like collusion to me! 

I thought, about 30 years or so ago that velcro straps would replace shoestrings, but here they came back about 7-8 years later and laces still rule the men’s shoe market.

Hmm, maybe it’s me, maybe I should invent the replacement for the shoelace. A new shoe enclosure, or a foot belt, ped-latchet, or “ped-i-fly!” Before strings, we had hooks—hooks to strings to zippers? Now we’re talkin’, help me out here folks. . . . What? You have something better to do today? Ok, tomorrow get back with me —we’ll make millions!!

Thanks for reading, the Elder